Running the Race: Quitting Porn Is a Marathon, Not A Sprint
Customer Story by Jordan B. — shared with permission
A 2024 Barna study found that 75% of Christian men view pornography on some level — for many, quitting isn’t a single decision but an ongoing race. Jordan’s story shows what that race actually looks like.
I was exposed to pornography sometime in middle school. It’s become such a formative event that I can still picture it clearly. I was at home on my parents’ computer while they were away, stumbled onto a site, and made the conscious decision to explore all the content my teenage eyes could take in. Little did I know that moment would begin my marathon in the battle for purity.
My journey with porn has been the thing that’s hurt me the most, the thing I’ve used to hurt others the most, and probably the toughest thing I’ve been through. Yet at the same time, it’s been the tool God has used to teach me the most about myself and about Him — and it’s now given me a platform to help others either avoid this trap or, if they’ve already started, find encouragement toward a life of purity and freedom from sin.
Table of Contents
- Stumbling Into the Porn Trap
- Getting Caught Was A Win
- Breaking Through To Freedom
- Jordan’s action tips for recovery and a porn free life
- Losing My Stride: How I Still Keep Running The Race
- Lessons learned from relapse
- Running the Race
Stumbling Into the Porn Trap
Immediately after that first night, I started watching as much as I could in secret. I didn’t have a smartphone back then, so it was mostly on my laptop or my parents’ computer. It affected a lot of things — my free time, my schoolwork, even how I’d position myself on the couch so no one could see. I eventually got caught, which really helped start my road to recovery.
I’d always struggled with emotional vulnerability as a kid, always opting to make jokes or brush off serious situations. But thanks to healthy small groups at my church, I learned how to be open and vulnerable with others, and that doing so would help my recovery. I even started seeing a counselor, which I really enjoyed.
Small groups and counseling only work if you’re vulnerable. The more you’re willing to share, the more light will be shed. Then, the better others can help and pray for you. Unfortunately for me, it usually took me hitting some sort of “bottom” for me to then open up to someone else.
Don’t let yourself be the same! Stay open and honest with other men in your life so that you feel loved and known before seeking to find those feelings in porn.
Getting Caught Was A Win
In the middle of a season where I felt incredibly shameful, my counselor shared Romans 8:1 with me: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus…” It rocked my world, really understanding on a deeper level how great God’s grace is.
Am I sinning when I struggle in this battle? Yes. But God does not condemn me, because Christ has paid the penalty in full. It’s not a subscription I need to constantly renew. To doubt that is not only to doubt my own worth, but the worth and value of Christ’s sacrifice. If I truly believe Christ’s sacrifice was enough to cover ALL sins, then it’s enough to cover mine, as many as they are.
That was a huge turning point, like getting a second wind, in my life. It helped me move forward in this battle with a new kind of motivation — not shame-avoidance, but determination.
I knew I would continue to mess up, but since there’s no condemnation, I could spend less time dwelling in shame and avoidance, and more time actually fighting and making changes. Before I might have spent days or weeks in guilt-ridden relapse. Now from the moment of relapse on, I’ve been quick to put changes into action to help prevent or stop the next one.
Breaking Through To Freedom
Jordan’s action tips for recovery and a porn free life
Morning time is one of my biggest triggers, so here’s how I take action.
- When my phone charges at night, I always have it either charging in another room, or far away from my bed.
- Then I have my Bible right next to me so that first thing after turning off my classic alarm clock, I have my quiet time.
- I also have Ever Accountable on all my devices.
- Fasting is a great way to teach your body “just because I desire something, doesn’t mean I NEED it,” as well as spending lots of time in prayer, highly recommend!
- I hold to a 24 hour policy, where I need to tell one of my accountability partners within 24 hours if I have a relapse.
Philippians 4:8 is a great verse I meditate on when I’m feeling tempted.
“Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy – meditate on these things.”
When I fail, Hebrews 8:1 is a comforting reminder.
“Now this is the main point of the things we are saying: We have such a High Priest, who is seated at the right hand of the throne of the Majesty in the heavens,“
Losing My Stride: How I Still Keep Running The Race
There’s more to my story than what’s above. A month into dating the woman who’s now my wife, I had to confess that I’d been inappropriately messaging another girl. That was a rock bottom for me, and it started a long process of rebuilding trust and intimacy in our relationship.
My wife will tell you that the biggest thing that allowed her to trust me was seeing how quickly and strongly I acted and made changes in my life after my confession.
- I immediately got rid of apps that were tempting me.
- I cut ties with friends on social media that I had no business following.
- I regularly started going to Celebrate Recovery, a Christian-based recovery program.
Celebrate Recovery is also something that I’ve attended for many years now that has changed my life! I highly recommend it to not just anyone struggling with porn, but anyone with any habit, hurt, or hangup that they want to work through. Taking these steps showed my now wife that I was serious about changing, and that I was going to do whatever it took to fight this and follow the Lord’s commands and standards for sexual purity.
Lessons learned from relapse
And the story isn’t over. After about four years sober, I’ve been having more relapses during this season of my wife’s pregnancy and her intense physical symptoms. I moved countries when marrying my wife, so my friend circle isn’t as deep as it was before. Also, being married, it has been harder to spend time with other guys, as what free time I do have, I rightly want to spend with her.
My response then, has been to really be intentional about spending time with other guys, and developing deeper relationships. I now have a local accountability partner that I meet with every other week, who’s also growing to be a good friend, goes to my church, and is a part of my small group. I’m even opening up my home to neighbors and friends to come spend time with me and watch the World Cup that’s been happening as well.
I’ve seen God take what used to be the most embarrassing and shameful part of my life and turn it into the thing I’m now most open and honest about.
Running the Race
Jordan B.
